Love and Gratitude

Blessings to you all in this holy season. I send you my love and am thinking of you all. I'll post more later - I promise. In the meantime, be well.

Feeling better

It was a good day. I'm feeling better about a lot of things. A good night of sleep helped me to put things into perspective and I'm feeling more stable today. Got some observations in at the clinic, am making headway on my Dad's scarf, and got new wiper blades for the trip home. Even made scones tonight. Sure, it sucks being lonely but it is better than staying in a relationship that tore me down more than it lifted me up. Hit a wall yesterday and finally acknowledged that I miss my ex. I miss the companionship - hell, we talked several times a day on the telephone. Even though he lived an hour away he was my near constant companion. It is strange to be single again. Matters are complicated by the strange relationship limbo that I am in with the MIB. I don't know what I want and I am pretty sure that he is equally clueless. Things would be different if we shared the same zipcode...but we don't and I don't know when that will become a reality. The thing is thinking about the MIB has allowed me to ignore the whole dating after the break-up issue. Wouldn't know how to go about dating at this point. Carrie and her gal pals made it look so easy on sex and the city. Go out for a martini and bat your eyelashes. To be honest that isn't my scene, and although I realize that you have to put yourself out there to meet people sitting at home and watching a movie is infinitely easier.
Speaking of the MIB...I know we both realize that trying to start a relationship now would be counterproductive. I'm not looking to get into another serious relationship with anyone right now and he has said much the same. I'm not asking him to wait patiently for me. That said it is hard to be objective when you care very much about someone. I don't begrudge him the opportunity to go out and meet girls - I just don't think I could handle hearing about them. All of this is conjecture at this point and thinking about it won't get me anywhere. I'm going to practice letting go and trusting the universe. I look forward to Thursday and after that....the future is wide open.

Taking up too much space

I want to shrink into a ball of nothingness and disappear. In this moment I am not enjoying life with roommates very much.

The Notebook

It was a good day. I was productive - finished beading three necklaces and one pair of ear rings. Got a good head start on another three pair of ear rings as well. Didn't do much knitting or crocheting today though. I'll have to save that for the next two or three days. Janeen and I discovered the bead store in Cumberland Square today. They have a wide selection and most everything was reasonably priced. I was particularly pleased with a strand of pearls that I picked up to make a necklace for my Mother for Christmas. Little by little I am finishing my Christmas present projects. Neener and I beaded and hung out for a good several hours this afternoon. I've missed her. Realized how wrapped up I have been with school and how little time I have spent with my good friends. Perspective changes when you aren't in a serious relationship anymore. Time feels different. Different possibilities, different decision making processes. It was good to take my mind off of school and creatively veg for awhile.
This evening I watched The Notebook. Mom and V have both seen the movie and read the book. I think V started reading his books first and passed them on to Mom. I enjoyed the movie and ended up crying at the finish. Chalk it up to hormones or being tired. It was a good movie, and for all its fairy tale romance was a good reminder of some of the things I am looking for in my potential future life partner and husband. One thing is certian, Nicholas Sparks sure knows how to pull at the heart strings of this woman. That's all for tonight.

Tipsy

Thanks, Jo, for the ride. Dude....I'm drunk. Tonight was the holiday party at school. Everyone was dressed up and I got tons of compliments on my hair. It was nice to get all fancified. This is the first school function that I have gone to sans escort. It was fun. I felt free and didn't give two flying sh_ts about what anyone thought of me. In other words, it was nice to recieve the compliments but to be perfectly honest I was just happy being me. Got to dance with some cutie boys and flirt a bit with no purpose or design. I was well taken care of and some friends were good enough to walk me to Jo's at the end of the evening.
On a side note...I'm so glad that I am going to become a chiropractor.
Back to more drunken ramblings. Why is it that my roommate goes away every weekend and never remembers to turn off her alarm? I still haven't figured out how to turn off the radio so I just dial the volume down to nil. One of my other rommies is out presumably at the bar and the other is working at the hospital. I've the whole house to myself. After I'm done with the computer I think I will watch a movie until I sober up a bit more. I'm on glass 2 (of water) by the way. Think it is time to take off the fancy dress and get into me jammies.
To the MIB, yes, shortsightedness is indeed a word. Quite the blog. Yes, you are indeed strong and this too shall pass. Remember, you are the co-creator of your destiny. You are well loved.
To all my friends near and far...I love you dearly. I'm going to sign off for now. Beginning to feel the hour. Be well and know that my thougts are with you.

Holiday Party Pic 

ROYGBIV

There were days when I was a child where I spent an inordinate amount of time insuring that all of the crayons in my box were neatly arranged in a color pattern. While in that mindset, I would get really upset if my sister used them and then put them back in incorrect order. I'm having a similar experience at the moment. Plans change, and sadly I am not nearly as flexible as I would like to pretend to be. While talking with the MIB tonight he shared that he is not sure that he will be able to visit over the holidays after all. I still plan to overnight in Pittsburgh on my way home. Beyond that I am reluctant to make any plans.
On the bright side, and all sarcasm aside, I don't seem to be horny any more. I've been reved up for days and it has been distracting at times. Ah, the interface of biology and psychology. At this point I think I need to get some sleep and take a few good steps back and re-evaluate. I still look forward to Christmas - if nothing else for a break from school and a time to be with friends and family. Going to try and meditate and go to bed so that I can be as fresh as possible for my exam tomorrow. Night all.

Trying out the new webcam 

Today

Been forever and a day since I last posted. I've been riding the current of my life for the last month and a half and have found moments to come up for air here and there. The ex and I are in therapy and it is helping me get some closure. There have been painfull moments but I am learning and growing. Confused? We are not in therapy to get back together. It is more a process of figuring out what went wrong so that we can learn how to avoid certain pitfalls in our future relationships.
I'm looking forward to Christmas. What meager decorations I own adorn the house and have added a certain warmth. I've enjoyed the few snowfalls we have had so far this winter and the forecast promises more soon. It is good to be alive. My friend, Joel, is coming home to spend the holiday with me and the fam. I lived with Joel and his Dad when I first moved here. They graciously took me in until I was able to find an apartment. Joel and I are going to cook dinner one of the nights during his visit and we have plans to take the train into the city. We both have rather expensive tastes which we will have to reign in on our visit to the big apple. Think we may go to Cartier for fun and pretend that we are getting engaged so that I can try on some rings worth more than the home my parents live in.
Also going to see the man in black this holiday season who promises me that we can go skating together. I can hardly wait.
Moved my room around a bit as well and I am sleeping better with my bed in its new position. I also bought a space heater which helps to make my room quite cozy.
My NMS I professor would have been proud today. I took my first NMS II practical and I held my own and was even complimented for giving clear instructions to my "patient". I really felt like a doctor in that moment.
Went to B & N to study tonight. Took a study break and read a bit of It's called a breakup because it's broken" by Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt. Good stuff. Really funny - I almost snorted in public - yes, I'm admitting this to you all because it was just that hilarious. For the single ladies I recommend his book he's just not that into you.
Well that's all for now. No major revelations. There is a super sale on at Pier One right now on candles and glass ware if you want to check it out. Other than that - be well.