Pandora's Box

D called yesterday night in a panic - he couldn't find his passport and wondered if I remembered which box I had put it in. In true form he had waited until the last possible minute to get packed and ready for his trip to CR. I was mistaken in my earlier post - I thought he was leaving on the 1st but his flight leaves today, the 2nd. Ah, the agony that boy could avoid by preplanning. He insisted that he had looked everywhere and had his parents likewise tear apart their house looking for it. When I packed up my apartment I had made an effort to keep all of his important stuff together. A few shirts and CD got thrown in with my stuff as Julie and Jo helped me pack everything up but that was to be expected. After talking to him I decided to give the basement a once over since the possibility existed that his packet of important papers had been packed together with some of my papers. There it was in a bag with some of my other school books that had been in the living room at the old apartment. So, I called him to let him know that it had been located. He was rightfully overjoyed and I asked him when he wanted to come pick it up. He decided to stay at his apartment and pack more and then swing by in the morning on his way to Chicago. I was a bit bitchy with him on the phone and told him that this could have gone a hell of a lot easier had he not waited until the last minute. Yes, it was a moment of weakness, and I probably should have kept my mouth shut in retrospect. So I called him to apologize for being a bitch, and I got sucked back into the drama. For a moment I stepped right back into the revolving door. After a quick turn I was able to wake up and smell the metaphorical coffee and quickly end the conversation. So much for progress. This morning he called twice to say that he was running behind. When he arrived he wouldn't step across the threshold but waited in the sunroom for me to hand him his things. He said thanks and then was off. I went back to cleaning/straightening/organizing and the phone rang. He called to apologize for leaving so abruptly and said that he wasn't angry with me for having his passport and that this could have gone more smoothly, etc. He asked me to not worry about him. I told him that I had given that up for the new year. I think that took him off guard. I can't remember much else of the conversation other than that he started to grasp for straws again at the end and I told him that I needed to go. A half hour later he called again and I figured that if it was truly important he would leave a message. From now on I am not going to answer the phone if he calls. He can bloody well leave a message. We can stick to our agreement of he dropping off my stuff in the sunroom and I leaving the remainder of his things with his brother. I can't allow myself to be continually sucked back into his drama. Yesterday while walking the labyrinth I began to make peace with myself and where I am going. The process of cleaning and organizing the house is both a symbolic and practical exercise in cleaning out the old and ushering in the new. I've made a commitment to marching towards a greater understanding of what motivates me. If I am going to realize my full potential in this life I am going to need to consistently make choices to that end. That's all for now. I've an adjustment at 3 and then back to the task at hand. Be well all.