Red

Where has the time gone?

2007-05-22T20:47:00.000-05:00

Thought it was high time for an update. Ron and I have been together for over a year now and it looks like we will be in it for the long haul. I graduate in less than a month and our parents will get to meet for the first time at my graduation banquet.
My sister graduated this Sunday as I took my part IV national board exam. I'm so proud of her accomplishments and am doing my best to support her from afar as she studies for the bar exam.
As for my own studies - I have completed all of my clinical requirements and am presently using my blog to avoid researching demographic stats for the District of Columbia. Yes, one assignment left folks and I am deep in the throws of senioritis.
There is so much that I have to be thankful for at this moment - friendships renewed, the summer breeze and a new chapter in my life unfolding.
Well, I think I have finally exhausted my urge to avoid working on my assignment at all costs.
Be well everyone and have a great night.

Been a long time gone

2006-06-18T01:46:00.000-05:00

For all those who have visited faithfully without an update, I apologize. Eee gads it's been an insano trimester. Our last day of finals was Thursday and we started the Activator elective Friday afternoon. Looks like I will be in Iowa till this Thursday and then the great trek home for break begins.
Updates: Ron and I have been dating for a little over 2 months now. I'm happy, he makes sense to me, and rather than being a source of stress, he helps me keep things in perspective. I consider myself a lucky woman. Looks like I am going to be staying with him on my way through Chicago and will get to meet his Mom. If I thought about it I would be nervous. I plan to come bearing gifts of Whitey's ice cream (a local favorite) and toiletries. What woman could say no to chocolate and bath salts?
My sister is going to have surgery this summer to close a defect in her heart that she was born with and which we were told had closed by age 5. For those who pray, please keep her in your prayers. She, and Nate, her husband, are taking things in stride. Mom and Dad are well and Grandma is still trying to whip Dad into shape. As far as I know Sahib, Mom's iguana, continues to thrive and love Mom only and despise the color yellow. I can't wait to see my Lucky dog and Chunk who my father has turned into a sumo fantail goldfish. Yes, ladies, he still lives and I have the pictures to prove it!
Darn the power of coffee to keep you up when you really should be sleeping. Alas, it will be 8am sooner rather than later and I really need to try and get to bed.
My love to all, later gators. I promise to post while I am at home in NY.

giddy

2006-04-07T00:01:00.000-05:00

Tonight was one of those magical evenings. Wore my new dress and went out on a date to the river city music experience to catch the Mercury Brothers, a local blues band. It was a free event through school. It was fun to see some of my professors let their hair down and put on their dancing shoes. Ladies and gentlemen...give it up for Dr. Ring.
Life seems different at the moment - brighter, more full somehow. I have a lot to smile about and another date for tomorrow night.

been a long time gone

2006-03-29T20:28:00.000-06:00

It's been forever and a day since I last posted and I thought that I would take the time to write a bit. I'm about a month into my 7th trimester and as promised it has been busy. We have at least a practical a week if not more. Tonight I have slacked off a bit and watched "A lot like love". Decided that I needed a break. I've got a scholarship essay to write but other than that there is nothing else on my plate for tomorrow.
This weekend I was in Chicago for a BEST seminar. It was an uplifting and centering experience. The past month has been difficult emotionally and it was good to meet up with friends that I haven't seen in many months. Recently my father's mother died unexpectedly. I'm thankful that I was able to fly home to New York for her memorial service and be with my parents. I'm glad that grandma went quickly and was not in pain. I've also come to terms with a few things. My friend from Pittsburgh and I are just that...friends and nothing more. He is back in school and wrapped up in his own world. Distance and time have given me perspective and I have let go of my need/desire for a movie ending to that story.
It was good to go home. I realize that I have an exceptional relationship with my parents. I love and respect them and even enjoy hanging out with them. It is a bit hard to be back in Iowa after being with them. When I broke up with Drew I lost the intimacy that we shared. We spent a tremendous amount of time talking on the phone and were near inseparable on the weekends when he was home. I made the right choice when I broke up with him - I know that. I stayed in that relationship long after my heart told me to jump ship. Ah, the things we do because we think we are pleasing our parents or are "finally dating a normal guy".
So that brings me to where I find myself right now. This weekend at the seminar I found myself looking at one of my friends with different eyes. He had dropped a few innuendos which I chalked up to his humor until we went out dancing on Saturday night. Next weekend we are going out to lunch. Nothing may come of this other than an opportunity to get to know him better. It is exciting to like someone and I'm comfortable with the fact that he is younger than me and in a lower trimester. More later. I'm finally feeling ready to write.

ta dah

2006-01-31T23:32:00.000-06:00

I've made it through 9 days of the diet! I'm still going strong. Anyone know any good recipes for making goat cheese? Stop laughing - I'm serious. Didn't get enough sleep this weekend and picked up a virus but am doing much better. Being ill without mashed potatoes is not as much fun but I am more than surviving ;^)
Happy Birthday Mozart (Jan 27th) and Happy Birthday Jo (Jan 30th)!
News of note - the Palmer men's hockey team won their game last Friday. I can't wait till their next home game. I'm breaking out of my study shell and trying to get out more on the weekends. So far so good. With the help of friends I also discovered a really cool jazz bar with live music on Friday and Saturday nights.
Looking forward to the superbowl - GO STEELERS! I told my tutorial students that all of my sessions on Sunday would be over with by noon leaving more than enough time to get ready for the game.
That's all for now. My love to you all.

Up, up, up

2006-01-18T23:04:00.000-06:00

Yay! The plumber is coming tomorrow to fix the toilet in the downstairs bathroom!!! It's been a great day - my car is fixed and it didn't cost an arm and a leg and I got all my points on my pelvic practical. Did well on my philosophy midterm as well. Two more quizzes this week and then I can rest a bit this weekend. It's going to be quite a ride till the end of the trimester. Taking it one day at a time.
Doing much better since I last posted. A lot has happened. Got a great adjustment this afternoon and at the recommendation of my DC I am going to bite the bullet and start the specific carbohydrate diet. I'm having my last hurrah before Monday when I swear off complex sugars, grains and non-fermented dairy products for a year. It is a choice I am making to heal my GI tract and get rid of some of my food sensitivities and intolerances. Over the next few days I will be saying goodbye to pizza, sushi, chocolate, ice cream, mashed potatoes, pancakes and other yummies.
Been working on my relationship with God and am developing my spirituality. Updates to follow. For those of you who pray - please keep me in your prayers as I embrace this opportunity to deepen my relationship with God and ask Him to heal my past wounds so that I can in every situation practice forgiveness.
Nuff for now. I get to sleep in tomorrow and want to take full advantage of the promise of extra sleep rather than just staying up later.

Pandora's Box

2006-01-02T13:53:00.000-06:00

D called yesterday night in a panic - he couldn't find his passport and wondered if I remembered which box I had put it in. In true form he had waited until the last possible minute to get packed and ready for his trip to CR. I was mistaken in my earlier post - I thought he was leaving on the 1st but his flight leaves today, the 2nd. Ah, the agony that boy could avoid by preplanning. He insisted that he had looked everywhere and had his parents likewise tear apart their house looking for it. When I packed up my apartment I had made an effort to keep all of his important stuff together. A few shirts and CD got thrown in with my stuff as Julie and Jo helped me pack everything up but that was to be expected. After talking to him I decided to give the basement a once over since the possibility existed that his packet of important papers had been packed together with some of my papers. There it was in a bag with some of my other school books that had been in the living room at the old apartment. So, I called him to let him know that it had been located. He was rightfully overjoyed and I asked him when he wanted to come pick it up. He decided to stay at his apartment and pack more and then swing by in the morning on his way to Chicago. I was a bit bitchy with him on the phone and told him that this could have gone a hell of a lot easier had he not waited until the last minute. Yes, it was a moment of weakness, and I probably should have kept my mouth shut in retrospect. So I called him to apologize for being a bitch, and I got sucked back into the drama. For a moment I stepped right back into the revolving door. After a quick turn I was able to wake up and smell the metaphorical coffee and quickly end the conversation. So much for progress. This morning he called twice to say that he was running behind. When he arrived he wouldn't step across the threshold but waited in the sunroom for me to hand him his things. He said thanks and then was off. I went back to cleaning/straightening/organizing and the phone rang. He called to apologize for leaving so abruptly and said that he wasn't angry with me for having his passport and that this could have gone more smoothly, etc. He asked me to not worry about him. I told him that I had given that up for the new year. I think that took him off guard. I can't remember much else of the conversation other than that he started to grasp for straws again at the end and I told him that I needed to go. A half hour later he called again and I figured that if it was truly important he would leave a message. From now on I am not going to answer the phone if he calls. He can bloody well leave a message. We can stick to our agreement of he dropping off my stuff in the sunroom and I leaving the remainder of his things with his brother. I can't allow myself to be continually sucked back into his drama. Yesterday while walking the labyrinth I began to make peace with myself and where I am going. The process of cleaning and organizing the house is both a symbolic and practical exercise in cleaning out the old and ushering in the new. I've made a commitment to marching towards a greater understanding of what motivates me. If I am going to realize my full potential in this life I am going to need to consistently make choices to that end. That's all for now. I've an adjustment at 3 and then back to the task at hand. Be well all.

Trying to throw my arms around the world

2006-01-01T01:38:00.000-06:00

Think this is going to be on the short side because I am beat and want to make it to church this morning. New Years was low key - snacks and cards at Nancy's house. I had a lot of fun and it was nice to have a relaxed new years for once. NYC last year was fun. I'm glad however that I got to ring in 2006 a bit more quietly. Talked with Rick briefly : ) and got to wish him a happy new year.
Texted the ex to wish him a happy new year. He surprised me by calling and asking me to wish him luck. He is taking off for Costa Rica tomorrow on a medical mission trip. When we broke up he told me that he had planned to ask me to marry him on our next trip to Costa Rica. He is nervous about going back to a place that holds so many memories. I think I succeeded in being compassionately detached. The tone of his voice suggested that he wanted to have a sentimental, long, drawn out conversation reminiscing about the past. I listened to what he had to say and ended the conversation after a short time. It is important for him to move on. At some point in the future I think we can be friends. For now I think it is all too fresh in his mind and I don't want him to slide backwards.
I'm excited for 2006. The future holds great promise. On my ride back to Iowa I talked with Josh for a bit. I shared with him that I am not yet ready to think about dating anyone seriously. The MIB and I share something special but with 600+ miles between us trying to cultivate a dating relationship is not feasible. As I barrel toward clinic I need to focus on my education and my plans for the near future as well as begin to think about post-graduation. My #1 project needs to be me right now.
I need to go to bed. A review of my winter break to follow. Cheers and Happy New Year to everyone!!!

Love and Gratitude

2005-12-26T14:13:00.000-06:00

Blessings to you all in this holy season. I send you my love and am thinking of you all. I'll post more later - I promise. In the meantime, be well.

Feeling better

2005-12-19T21:58:00.000-06:00

It was a good day. I'm feeling better about a lot of things. A good night of sleep helped me to put things into perspective and I'm feeling more stable today. Got some observations in at the clinic, am making headway on my Dad's scarf, and got new wiper blades for the trip home. Even made scones tonight. Sure, it sucks being lonely but it is better than staying in a relationship that tore me down more than it lifted me up. Hit a wall yesterday and finally acknowledged that I miss my ex. I miss the companionship - hell, we talked several times a day on the telephone. Even though he lived an hour away he was my near constant companion. It is strange to be single again. Matters are complicated by the strange relationship limbo that I am in with the MIB. I don't know what I want and I am pretty sure that he is equally clueless. Things would be different if we shared the same zipcode...but we don't and I don't know when that will become a reality. The thing is thinking about the MIB has allowed me to ignore the whole dating after the break-up issue. Wouldn't know how to go about dating at this point. Carrie and her gal pals made it look so easy on sex and the city. Go out for a martini and bat your eyelashes. To be honest that isn't my scene, and although I realize that you have to put yourself out there to meet people sitting at home and watching a movie is infinitely easier.
Speaking of the MIB...I know we both realize that trying to start a relationship now would be counterproductive. I'm not looking to get into another serious relationship with anyone right now and he has said much the same. I'm not asking him to wait patiently for me. That said it is hard to be objective when you care very much about someone. I don't begrudge him the opportunity to go out and meet girls - I just don't think I could handle hearing about them. All of this is conjecture at this point and thinking about it won't get me anywhere. I'm going to practice letting go and trusting the universe. I look forward to Thursday and after that....the future is wide open.

Taking up too much space

2005-12-18T11:19:00.000-06:00

I want to shrink into a ball of nothingness and disappear. In this moment I am not enjoying life with roommates very much.

The Notebook

2005-12-17T23:53:00.000-06:00

It was a good day. I was productive - finished beading three necklaces and one pair of ear rings. Got a good head start on another three pair of ear rings as well. Didn't do much knitting or crocheting today though. I'll have to save that for the next two or three days. Janeen and I discovered the bead store in Cumberland Square today. They have a wide selection and most everything was reasonably priced. I was particularly pleased with a strand of pearls that I picked up to make a necklace for my Mother for Christmas. Little by little I am finishing my Christmas present projects. Neener and I beaded and hung out for a good several hours this afternoon. I've missed her. Realized how wrapped up I have been with school and how little time I have spent with my good friends. Perspective changes when you aren't in a serious relationship anymore. Time feels different. Different possibilities, different decision making processes. It was good to take my mind off of school and creatively veg for awhile.
This evening I watched The Notebook. Mom and V have both seen the movie and read the book. I think V started reading his books first and passed them on to Mom. I enjoyed the movie and ended up crying at the finish. Chalk it up to hormones or being tired. It was a good movie, and for all its fairy tale romance was a good reminder of some of the things I am looking for in my potential future life partner and husband. One thing is certian, Nicholas Sparks sure knows how to pull at the heart strings of this woman. That's all for tonight.

Tipsy

2005-12-17T00:48:00.001-06:00

Thanks, Jo, for the ride. Dude....I'm drunk. Tonight was the holiday party at school. Everyone was dressed up and I got tons of compliments on my hair. It was nice to get all fancified. This is the first school function that I have gone to sans escort. It was fun. I felt free and didn't give two flying sh_ts about what anyone thought of me. In other words, it was nice to recieve the compliments but to be perfectly honest I was just happy being me. Got to dance with some cutie boys and flirt a bit with no purpose or design. I was well taken care of and some friends were good enough to walk me to Jo's at the end of the evening.
On a side note...I'm so glad that I am going to become a chiropractor.
Back to more drunken ramblings. Why is it that my roommate goes away every weekend and never remembers to turn off her alarm? I still haven't figured out how to turn off the radio so I just dial the volume down to nil. One of my other rommies is out presumably at the bar and the other is working at the hospital. I've the whole house to myself. After I'm done with the computer I think I will watch a movie until I sober up a bit more. I'm on glass 2 (of water) by the way. Think it is time to take off the fancy dress and get into me jammies.
To the MIB, yes, shortsightedness is indeed a word. Quite the blog. Yes, you are indeed strong and this too shall pass. Remember, you are the co-creator of your destiny. You are well loved.
To all my friends near and far...I love you dearly. I'm going to sign off for now. Beginning to feel the hour. Be well and know that my thougts are with you.

2005-12-17T00:48:00.000-06:00

Holiday Party Pic

ROYGBIV

2005-12-16T00:42:00.000-06:00

There were days when I was a child where I spent an inordinate amount of time insuring that all of the crayons in my box were neatly arranged in a color pattern. While in that mindset, I would get really upset if my sister used them and then put them back in incorrect order. I'm having a similar experience at the moment. Plans change, and sadly I am not nearly as flexible as I would like to pretend to be. While talking with the MIB tonight he shared that he is not sure that he will be able to visit over the holidays after all. I still plan to overnight in Pittsburgh on my way home. Beyond that I am reluctant to make any plans.
On the bright side, and all sarcasm aside, I don't seem to be horny any more. I've been reved up for days and it has been distracting at times. Ah, the interface of biology and psychology. At this point I think I need to get some sleep and take a few good steps back and re-evaluate. I still look forward to Christmas - if nothing else for a break from school and a time to be with friends and family. Going to try and meditate and go to bed so that I can be as fresh as possible for my exam tomorrow. Night all.

2005-12-12T23:58:00.000-06:00

Trying out the new webcam

Today

2005-12-12T19:07:00.000-06:00

Been forever and a day since I last posted. I've been riding the current of my life for the last month and a half and have found moments to come up for air here and there. The ex and I are in therapy and it is helping me get some closure. There have been painfull moments but I am learning and growing. Confused? We are not in therapy to get back together. It is more a process of figuring out what went wrong so that we can learn how to avoid certain pitfalls in our future relationships.
I'm looking forward to Christmas. What meager decorations I own adorn the house and have added a certain warmth. I've enjoyed the few snowfalls we have had so far this winter and the forecast promises more soon. It is good to be alive. My friend, Joel, is coming home to spend the holiday with me and the fam. I lived with Joel and his Dad when I first moved here. They graciously took me in until I was able to find an apartment. Joel and I are going to cook dinner one of the nights during his visit and we have plans to take the train into the city. We both have rather expensive tastes which we will have to reign in on our visit to the big apple. Think we may go to Cartier for fun and pretend that we are getting engaged so that I can try on some rings worth more than the home my parents live in.
Also going to see the man in black this holiday season who promises me that we can go skating together. I can hardly wait.
Moved my room around a bit as well and I am sleeping better with my bed in its new position. I also bought a space heater which helps to make my room quite cozy.
My NMS I professor would have been proud today. I took my first NMS II practical and I held my own and was even complimented for giving clear instructions to my "patient". I really felt like a doctor in that moment.
Went to B & N to study tonight. Took a study break and read a bit of It's called a breakup because it's broken" by Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt. Good stuff. Really funny - I almost snorted in public - yes, I'm admitting this to you all because it was just that hilarious. For the single ladies I recommend his book he's just not that into you.
Well that's all for now. No major revelations. There is a super sale on at Pier One right now on candles and glass ware if you want to check it out. Other than that - be well.

Limitations of Matter

2005-11-19T12:17:00.000-06:00

Last night I attended a speaker night at school. Four different DCs spoke. The evening left me with quite a bit to ponder and process. The inspirational stories they shared with us as well as their passion for the betterment of human kind through chiropractic uplifted me and I was giddy. We left school and piled into my car heading for J’s house to have hot coco and tea. As I pulled out of the parking lot, I heard a noise but dismissed it quickly. We climbed up the street and I heard another sound and turned off the radio to cut out as much extraneous noise as possible. It was the unmistakable fwump fwump sound of a flat tire making its revolution. I quickly pulled into the alleyway by the gym and we emptied my trunk and got to work. The universe provided several knowledgeable friends and the muscle to get the job done. I still had my headlamp in the car and it became quite useful. Security with their impeccable timing showed up just as we were piling back into the car. We turned around, pulled out and parked in the church parking lot. Then it was on to J’s house for fellowship, ice cream and something warm to drink. I look forward to future fellowship with these wise women.
Twice last night I spoke with the MIB – the first time during the tire changing adventure and then later just before leaving J’s house. The second time I spoke with him I shared with him a revelation that I had while listening to the last speaker talk. I realized that it is important for me from a conceptual standpoint to reject the fact that he has diabetes. I do him a grave disservice by thinking of him as someone with a disease for it limits my ability to see him as a whole person. I remember when I got terribly ill in middle school and how I struggled with the pity others showed me because I couldn’t eat this or that and was so immune compromised. All the allowances that had to be made for me and the tiptoeing pissed me off. Then slowly I began to refuse to accept that I was ill and that I realized that the only limits I faced were of my own creation. A diagnosis is a tricky thing indeed. Many ill people won’t rest until they have a name for their disease or condition. When given a diagnosis, it is not surprising that they may actually develop more symptoms manifesting the disease for which they now have a name. Once named, they adopt their disease, take it home, and set a place for it at the dining room table. Dr. M says that the greatest disservice we can show our patients is being more interested in their disease than in their potential for the perfect expression of the great I AM. This brings me back to the MIB and to my own great experiment. I am in the evolution business and have a clear idea that I will look like a very different version of myself in a year. The MIB knows that I am not asking him to stop taking his insulin. I am inviting him to challenge his conceptions of the limitations of his own matter and see what results.
This also brings me to an uncomfortable thought. The last speaker was right up my alley talking about quantum mechanics and perceptions of time and reality. She posited an interesting hypothesis that if we consider that chiropractic removes interference and allows for a more perfect expression of human consciousness that we may actually be shortening people’s lives. Let me back up a bit lest I lose you. She talked about how in here current state of consciousness she believes that we are all here to fulfill a certain number of tasks, our soul purpose. When we have reached our goal, we will be done literally and figuratively. Therefore, someone under chiropractic care could potentially achieve their soul purpose in 20 years rather than 80. I’m still chewing on this one. I take comfort in the knowledge that I am a spiritual being having a physical experience on this earth. When I die, only my physical being will decay and my spirit will continue in some other form of expression. The part that I am uncomfortable with is the idea that in my quest for the fulfillment of my destiny that I may be rushing to the finish line. Living to 400 doesn’t sound like much fun, however, I’m not mentally or emotionally prepared to meet my maker any time soon.

Rainy Day Reflections

2005-11-16T01:09:00.000-06:00

I had a relatively crappy day today. To be perfectly honest, I am feeling a bit overwhelmed by school and life. Last night I was up late trying to finish an article for the school paper and had a serious mental block. I talked to the Prince of PA last night online for a good while. After I broke up with my exBF a friend recommended this book with my best interests at heart. One of the things I got from it was that I shouldn’t admit emotional weakness to a prospective partner early in a relationship. You should never tell the new person how refreshing their behavior is in comparison to the loser you just broke up with lest he think that you don’t value yourself – or something along those lines. If we can’t be honest with the people we love with whom then can we be honest? So,…here goes nothing. I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed. It is nice to know that someone who cares about me has my best interest at heart. You are indeed a romantic with the soul of a poet. I enjoy hearing that you miss me and that you are proud of my accomplishments. It is good to feel wanted, beautiful and vibrant.
I just got out of a relationship with someone who was often motivated by his own self-interest. There were times that he was “being honest” and it hurt. There are ways to speak your truth with tact. He also took me for granted and I realize now that in part I enabled him to do just that. It was good to feel needed and loved and in the beginning, it didn’t bother me that I was giving and giving. The laundry and dishes, buying groceries for him and accommodating his schedule without much regard to what I wanted or needed or could afford at the time. Then one day I woke up, realized that I was unhappy, and wanted out. A pair of oversized mittens can keep you warm but nothing beats a pair of gloves that fit you perfectly.
I got scared last night. In talking to the PPA I realized that I was still holding on to some baggage from past relationships. I am slowly warming to the idea that someone could want to be with me, the actual me rather than an expectation of who I should be. This is new territory for me.
Talked to my roommates this evening and had a breakthrough. I’ve decided to ask for help when I need it and to delegate some authority in club and tone down my involvement with other activities. I want and need to address some of my own priorities right now. As I am writing this, I realize that I am in a different headspace than when I started writing. I’m not scared anymore. I feel at peace and am happy. It is ok that I have some stuff yet to process and I know that you will support me as I move through this time of change. I’m glad that I can bare my soul to you without fear of reproach. Part of my task now is discovering what it is that I want out of life right in this moment and how to go about making my way in the world. I have some questions to answer about the motivations behind the choices I make in my relationships with others and how I can get away from doing things out of a sense of duty or obligation. I want to meet you as a whole person. Ahhh (sighing)….there is so much I want to say to you in this moment. My eyelids are closing, though, and I can’t be asked to try and keep them open anymore. All told, the day might have been yuck but I will go to bed content with a greater sense of clarity and optimism for the future.

chicken soup

2005-11-14T19:33:00.000-06:00

It’s been a full day and I am glad to step off the hamster wheel for a moment. This afternoon during my break, I received a great adjustment and it allowed me to begin to process two of the insights that I have gleaned from the day: A) Guilt serves no purpose in my life right now. I have no reason to feel remorse for the smile on my face and the knowledge that I am moving on from my last relationship. It is more than OK for me to be joyful in this moment. B) There are lessons to be learned by keeping silent and allowing others to speak their truth. I enjoy the feeling when I “get” something that we are learning in class and am happy when I seem to be riding the same train of thought as my professor. Today I had more than a few reminders that it is important for me, at this time especially, to sit back and hold my tongue. Allowing others a crack at guessing the answer to a question and that when I go too far in the other direction I can come off as an insufferable know-it-all. There is much to be learned when I take the time to listen to the insights of others even if I think they are mistaken in their reasoning.

So,…tonight I am making chicken soup from scratch – chicken, water, onions, carrots, celery and spices. Dinner for the week and an effort which parallels some of the choices that I am making in my life right now. Riding the chicken soup metaphor – some of my past relationships have resembled making a dinner of soup from a can on the stove. Others were a bit more slapdash – in other words a can of soup dumped into a bowl, microwaved and eaten standing up in the kitchen. At this time in my life, I am ready for the homemade chicken soup experience.

"Which one is yours?"

2005-11-13T22:49:00.000-06:00

At the airport this morning as I stood and watched him walk toward the security check point the man standing next to me (who by the way bore an uncanny resemblance to Kevin Smith but perhaps a bit more corporate) said “this is always the hardest part of her trip”. He then turned to me and asked, “Which one is yours?” “The one wearing the hat”, I replied without hesitation. “The tall one?” “Yeah, ….the tall one.” We exchanged the kind of pleasantries two strangers do at 45 minutes past five in the morning and went our separate ways.

“Which one is yours?” How fitting.

It was an amazing weekend and I will probably spend the greater part of the next week processing with a grin on my face and his hat on my head. By the way, kudos to you, hon on your choice of gift. I dig flowers n’ all….this, however, is a much more fitting present all told. It is good to have a piece of you with me. Now if we could only work out that whole teleportation thing. ; )

In this moment, I am at peace. I went into this weekend with no expectations and was more than pleasantly surprised by the turn of events. I doubt either of us knew what we were in for…or then again, maybe we did. The Lord works in mysterious ways and if the universe can hand you a fortune cookie that proclaims, “Tastes like chicken” anything is possible. It’s good to be loved and to love in return.

A lot can happen in a year and a half. I have no worries and I trust completely in the process which is, at present, unfolding. There is time, and I have patience.

To the beautiful man who would trade his dominion over Lichtenstein to have my hand (but perhaps not France) good night, my love.

The man in black

2005-11-06T09:13:00.000-06:00

This Friday I will be taking a good friend to a semi-formal party. He is flying in from the east coast and our mutual history takes us back to the summer after my freshman year in undergrad. It is a long and winding road we have traveled meeting here and there at check points in our lives but otherwise spiraling upward like a double helix. Just before my break-up I signed onto the computer and found him on aim. When I have work to do I usually just turn on the internet and automatically close down aim. It was a suprise to find him online and an even bigger suprise that he initiated a conversation. We talked for a good while, catching eachother up on events, and our respective goings-on. During the last conversation we had had (more than a year ago) I learned that he had gotten engaged. It took some reflection on my part, but I was willing to close that chapter in my life and I blessed their intentions to wed. When he IMed me, I was under the impression that he was a married man and was taken aback to hear that things had not worked out. From the outside it may seem that the knowledge of this prompted me to break up with my ex. In all honesty, it was a process of three months of soul searching and although this knowledge may have helped reaffirm my decision it certianly didn't drive it. So here we are back at the beginning again. I'm superexcited (my new and better word for anxious). I haven't seen the man in black for at least two years. We are both different and yet at the core the same beings who met through a mutual friend at an eat n' park, argued through the length of a grocery store and blockbuster and formed a strange and beautiful bond over popcorn and "in the army now". That's all I want to say right now.

A New Day

2005-11-06T07:57:00.000-06:00

Last night I went to U of I to celebrate Diwali, the Indian festival of lights, with my friend K who is Indian (with a dot , not a feather - thanx Kel). The food was well prepared and the entertainment following dinner was great - a mix of prayer, music and dance. At the festival I met a woman and her daughter, Meg. Meg had just returned from Mali after doing a 2 year peace corps stint and was off to grad school in a matter of time. We had great conversation and I thank the universe for placing us together so that we could all share our bits of wisdom with one another. Left me thinking about travel and how it has been awhile since I left the country. Shortly after the exBF and I started dating we took a trip to Costa Rica. What an amazing place. I know that some day soon I would like to go back. When I broke up with the exBF he shared that he had hoped we would return to Costa Rica together where he had planned on proposing. Didn't really know what to do with that information but I certainly won't let the memories of our break up keep me from returning to Latin America. Meg and I seem to be of like mind - travel for the sake of immersing yourself in someone else's culture for a time. I'm not as fond of travel "with 50 % less fat and sugar" but wish to take the time to explore, to spend an afternoon in a cafe drinking coffee and talking. Breathe.
Mom called while K and I were on the road last night. She let me know that the exBF's mom called my Dad on his cell phone yesterday. Mom and Dad were hosting a dinner party at the time. God works in mysterious ways. Mom had some choice things to say and admitted that had she been the one on the other end of the line she would have said "Bi__h either you hang up the phone or I will". Apparently it took Dad 30 minutes to talk the woman down. From what Mom told me their conversation ressembled the voice message that his mom left me the other day. Sigh. I would like her to realize that I dated her son - just because she called me the presumptive daughter-in-law doesn't make me her daughter. I tried my best to work things out. It was never my plan to break her son's heart. I am not gleefully draging it across asphalt as she has implied. Her need to control every aspect of her children's life is disturbing to me - a choice I would not care to make. Bench yourself already woman. I feel like I should write her a letter to let her know how her actions are comming across and how I really wish that she would just allow her son and I to resolve our differences without her help. We'll see...if I do it will have to be carefully writen and well thought out.
On a good note I got my brakes fixed yesterday morning and my friend T stopped by the shop to keep me company. We haven't had much time to talk lately and it was good to catch up. When the car was ready we went out for lunch. He had his own perspective to add to my situation and helped me see where the exBF is comming from. T recently went through a break-up of his own.
With some good strong black tea in me and a conversation with one of my roommates I feel fortified for the day. It is a new day and I embrace it in all its possibilities. I am glad to be alive and grateful for the lessons that I am learning.

2005-11-05T09:13:00.000-06:00

pensive lil'o me

The Haircut

2005-11-04T23:36:00.000-06:00

It's amazing how purgative getting a new haircut can be. Started growing my hair out a year ago for my sister's wedding. She married in July and now that the boy and I are through I decided I needed a change. Never fear....there's still enough left to tug on ;)

It's nice to feel the breeze on the back of my neck and oddly enough I think my posture has improved. If nothing else, my outlook is certianly improving. Photos to follow....

Bitter Fruit

2005-11-04T22:20:00.000-06:00

And she wonders why I dumped her son. Sigh, doesn't she realize that her actions only make it easier for me to distance myself from this whole situation. As if I wanted to go back for a second helping of her poision ambrosia. Manipulation, blame, passive agression and a side of self-rightious indegnation. No thanks. I'm sick of and tired of playing nice. Don't call me any more woman.